What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
