Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
