lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
