I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize