I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
