Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
