so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
a search helicopter?!
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
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