Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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