proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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