Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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