His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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