i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
