So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
i think i just naturally attract stoners
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
