he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
