Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
