Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
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