Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
