I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
