You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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