put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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