i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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