You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
