Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
