Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
