I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
