I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
