i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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