My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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