It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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