actually, I'm a sock model
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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