You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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