i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
