You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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