Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
