Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
