Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
