Jerry, you need to find god
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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