my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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