You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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