I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
