I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
