thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
