i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
only if we run a train.
done.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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