We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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