I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
