i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
We got so high we made milksteak
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
