I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
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