This girl is more easily done than said...
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
