Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
