I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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