Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The air was thick with penises
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
