what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
