They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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