I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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