I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
