hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
