its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I enjoy the company of your penis
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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