i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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