$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
