I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
