I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
