I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
