Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
