Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I need moral support for this bender
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
