god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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