If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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