I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
