2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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