I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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