I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
ttyl tear gas
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
